Sometimes “No” means something more than just a negative response. Perhaps it’s a learning opportunity and an open door to another option. Could it possibly be an opportunity for personal and organizational growth?
By Chet Gladkowski
You’ve got this great idea that can revolutionize your Small Group ministry. You’ve thought it out. Researched it. Planned for it. Prayed over it. Even prototyped it.
Now, it’s time to go and get permission to fully deploy it throughout your Small Groups. You’re all set. You’re well prepared. You’ve got all the information and research that supports what you want to do. You’re confident that this can just set your Small Groups on fire.
You schedule time with the people you need to. Everyone’s there and in a great mood. Your timeslot in the meeting comes up and you just “kill it” with your presentation. You answer every question. You skillfully and professionally address any and all negative attitudes. You’re feeling great about moving forward.
And then, you hear the words you never expected. “Thanks, but no thanks.” Maybe you hear that it’s not the way things are done here. Or that it might be a good idea somewhere else, but not here. We’ve never done it that way before.
From our earliest days, we’re conditioned to take the word “No” very personally. It’s more than just a word, we take it as an attack on us. It cut’s deep. It hits hard. It’s personal.
But what might happen if we don’t respond with our historic, knee-jerk, response? what might God do if we responded differently? Here are five steps on how to respond to the hated “No” word.
- First – Be Empathetic. Look and think about it from their perspective. Put yourself in their shoes, think about their past experiences. Their success and failures.
- Second – Be Curious. Ask if they see the problem you see, or do they sense a different problem? Ask for some additional information and background that influenced their decision. Was there a change in their history that didn’t work out well? Is there something else that’s not visible to you that’s causing their reaction? Be seen and heard as a learner, not a demander.
- Third – Be Understanding. Lean in and say, “I understand.” Show them through your words and body language that you’re interested in nothing more than the growth of the church and Small Groups.
- Fourth – Be Flexible. Show that you’re only interested in the kingdom of God and the growth of the local congregation. it doesn’t have to be your idea. If they come up with an alternative suggestion that accomplishes the same thing, be excited and volunteer to help in any way that makes sense.
- Fifth – Be Patient. You might think that everything will fall apart unless your idea is immediately implemented. As hard as it is to read these words, it’s probably not exactly like the Titanic hitting an iceberg. Give them time for the idea to work through their minds and hearts.
As with many things in life, it’s more than just the words and ideas that count. The way you communicate can have a huge impact on how people hear you. Now, you can say the exact right words but shoot yourself in the foot with your attitude. There’s no room for pride or arrogance.
- Are you asking for or are you demanding?
- Are you being seen as a team player or as an outside renegade?
- Have you bullied anyone verbally? Emotionally?
If we truly want what’s best for God’s people, it shouldn’t matter if it’s our idea or not. If God gets the glory and people come to Christ, who cares who first came up with the idea. If people are discipled and grow in their faith, we should all say, “Praise God” and move on.
While these five “Be’s” are helpful, there are some tips that come from experience. Some even come from not just failure, but spectacular failures that lit up the sky.
- Is your change disturbing something that was originally their idea?
- Are you messing with something that was used by God to grow them?
- Is it messing with an idea that comes from their heritage? Denomination?
- Is your idea altering something that comes from a program that’s been paid for?
- Can your idea be split up into phases that will let people get comfortable with time?
Remember, you’ve been living with this idea for a while and it’s new to them. Give them time to noodle on it. May God give you grace to communicate and deploy change that glorifies Him and does much for the people you serve.
