This is the second post of Read the Room, a short series looking at how simple observations that can take a group meeting from good to great. In my last post, I described the difference between Leaning in and Checking Out, and how posture can help us decipher whether we’re on a rabbit trail or in a God moment. In this post, I’ll point out what we can see and how we can lead by paying attention to eyes in group discussion.
Eye contact is a normal and natural part of conversation. Most of us maintain proper eye contact without any effort whatsoever in a one-on-one interaction. It’s so natural that we often pick up signals from other people simply from where they look. For example, if during a conversation someone is avoiding eye contact it can mean that they are feeling guilty or uncomfortable. If someone keeps looking at the clock or their phone, it communicates they are in a hurry.
While these signals are easy to pick up on in 2-person conversations, they can be much more difficult to track in a group discussion. As small group leaders, not only can we read a lot from the room by paying attention to our group members’ eyes, but we can actually lead by being intentional about where we look.
Eyes on the clock
This is the easy one. If eyes are drifting toward the clock or to watches and phones, it’s time to wrap up conversation. Teachers know that they should never give important information during the last 5 minutes of class because students have stopped paying attention and are already thinking about what they’ll do after class. When time is running short, and it seems you’ve lost the attention of the group, switch gears and move on to the next part of your gathering, whether that’s prayer, dessert, or going home.
Eyes on the page
One of the most important decisions when facilitating group discussion is when to move to the next question. Some of the best answers come after leaving some room for silence or asking a follow-up question. However, if most of the group has shifted their gaze back to their book or discussion guide, it’s time to move on. Likely, they’re not re-reading the question to figure out their response. They’re reading through the next few questions to figure out which they’ll respond to.
Eyes into space
In a group conversation, people often stare into space when they feel uncomfortable with the topic or something specific being shared. Eye contact can feel too vulnerable or intimate. Pay attention the next time someone in your group shares something personal. Whether the group is looking at the speaker or staring into space can be an indicator for how open your group is to those kinds of conversations on that particular night.
Directing Focus
In my high school and college days, I performed in a number of musical groups. Whenever there was a solo, our director would always tell us to “direct focus” to the soloist. This meant that we needed to look at the soloist during their entire performance so that if anyone in the audience looked at us, our eyes redirected their focus to the performer.
As leaders, we are being watched by our groups whether we like it or not. Our groups are looking to us throughout group gatherings not just for the next discussion question, but also to see how we respond to what is being shared. Because of this, it is our role to direct the focus of our group. If someone is sharing and we’re looking at the clock, the curriculum, or into space, it will speak volumes not only to the person sharing but to the rest of the group. What we choose to focus our eyes on will inevitably become the focus of the group. If we want our group focusing on one another, we must keep our own focus away from the clock, page, and space while valuable discussion is happening.
